Gm. Happy Memorial Day! May we all take this time to mourn the money we lost to crypto in 2022.

🏠 TECH

Watergate, Spygate…Teslagate

In the same week that the Model Y became the world’s bestselling car, Tesla was also hit by some very bad press.

Somehow, the German publication Handelsblatt gained possession of over 100 GB of Tesla’s internal data. And this data suggests that Tesla’s already maligned Full Self-Driving (FSD) feature is in even worse technical shape than initially thought.

Complaints…Lots Of Complaints

The files contain thousands of customer complaints over FSD:

• More than 2,400 complaints allege sudden unintended acceleration problems.

• More than 1,500 complaints allege problems with braking.

• More than 1,000 crash reports.

• More than 3,000 incidents where drivers expressed safety concerns about FSD.

So, that’s a lot of complaints. But Tesla probably took the time to address them and diligently log them so that they may improve later, right?

Right?

Experts in Verbal Communication

Not exactly.

For each of these incidents, the employee responsible for entering the technical review into the system would emphasize that the report is for “internal use only”. Then, when talking with customers, Tesla employees would go out of their way to give verbal communication only.

Litttllleee bit sketchy.

Fire For The Feds

This is the absolute last thing Tesla’s FSD needed. As we said, the program is already heavily scrutinized:

• The DOJ is snooping around.

• And the NHTSA is as well.

A massive safety leak definitely won’t help the ElonMobiles case with the Feds.

Why should I care? You might want to strongly consider the potential consequences before firing up FSD.

A Banksy got everyday investors 32% returns?

Mm-hmm, sure. So, what’s the catch?

We know it may sound too good to be true. But thousands of investors are already smiling all the way to the bank, thanks to the fine-art investing platform Masterworks.

These results aren’t cherry-picking. This is the whole bushel. Masterworks has built a track record of 13 exits, including net returns of +10.4%, +27.3%, and +35.0%, even while financial markets plummeted.

But art? Really? Okay, skeptics, here are the numbers. Contemporary art prices:

• outpaced the S&P 500 by 131% over the last 26 years

• have the lowest correlation to equities of any asset class

• remained stable through the dot-com bubble and ’08 crisis

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See important disclosures at masterworks.com/cd 

🏠 AI

OpenAI’s European Odyssey

Homescreen co-main character Sam Altman has been gallivanting around Europe this week, taking part in fun activities such as going to three countries in a single day, getting his eyeball scanned into a metal ball, and threatening an OpenAI exit from the EU only to rescind it 24 hours later.

Yep, OpenAI pulled a Brett Favre-level fakeout.

The threat came from Altman’s “many concerns” with the EU AI Act currently being finalized by lawmakers.

The Act was originally designed to regulate only highly-specific and high-risk AI use cases. But this has been expanded in recent months to include the latest wave of general AI technology, such as GPT-4. As the CEO of the largest general AI company in the world, Altman is predictably not pleased.

So, he threatened to pull OpenAI from the EU if the regulations cross a certain level.

But, just a day later, he was once again extolling the glory of Europe, saying “of course we have no plans to leave”. Huh?

Perhaps he realized that leaving Europe would put a damper on OpenAI’s world domination plans. Maybe he recognized that throwing a temper tantrum over regulation a week after proclaiming the need for regulation was massively hypocritical. Or, maybe he just can’t stomach the thought of going without French food.

Whatever the reason is, it appears Europeans will be able to keep messing around with ChatGPT for at least a little bit longer.

The Big Picture: AI regulation is coming. The big AI CEOs say they want it, but we don’t yet know if their actions will match their words.

🏃‍♀️ QUICKIES

What else is going on?

• Gig drivers won’t get a raise in Minnesota after all. Thanks, Governor!

• The Shingles vaccine is dementia’s worst nightmare.

• A lawyer used ChatGPT and goofed tremendously hard.

• Amazon said sike to Shipment Zero.

Stat: Two Years: The amount of time we get to go without the maddening debt ceiling talks now that Biden and McCarthy have a deal.

Rabbit hole: When Digital Nomads Come To Town (Rest Of World)

🤩 MONDAY MOTIVATION

He’s not the GOAT, but he is really damn motivational.

🧠 GUESSTIMATE

Last night, Derrick White hit a buzzer-beater shot to save the Celtic’s season. When was the last time an NBA player hit a buzzer-beater with elimination on the line?

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GUESSTIMATE ANSWER

1989: Michael Jordan and “The Shot”.